So i'm in the shower (don't get a visual) in the AM before work - and anyone that knows me knows not to talk to me in the morning....however.....
{D}: Hey Cindy, are you in the shower? [Opening the door slightly]
{Cindy} [Thinking]: WTF?!?!? Wrong on so many levels. The shower water is running who else is going to be in the shower? Seriously, it's a Tuesday morning...did one of her man friends get lost in the house. It's never the other roommate because he has his own shower upstairs.....my God is she really talking to me in the AM...."Silence....I kill you"....i wonder if i'll have time to get something for breakfast.
{Cindy}: Yes [duh?]
{D}: Oh, okay...i'm leaving you the rent in your room and it's in cash
{Cindy}: It's the 22nd? It's not due until the 1st.....
{D}: I know, but i want to get it out of the way
{Cindy}: K...thanks
{D}: Can you get me a receipt?
{Cindy} [Thinking]: Is she still talking to me? What happened to my morning quiet time when she used to be at the gym? What happened to the sanctity of the shower? Maybe doughnuts.
{Cindy}: Sure.
{D}: Oh also....
{Cindy}[Thinking]: Of course...My shower is now officially ruined!
{D}: I know it was late when you got home last night [1:30AM], but did you notice that the internet is down?
{Cindy}: I'll have to talk to S today and have him reset the Wi-Fi upstairs
{D}: Ok, cause i really need to be able to check my e-mail for my clients
{Cindy}[Thinking]: Wha?!? Huh?!? Who?!? She has taking whoring to a cyber level.
{Cindy}: I'll text him today
{D}: K, Thanks...i really...REALLY need to be able to check my e-mail.
Since she ruined my shower i have had half a mind to let the intenet access stay down for another day. Alas, i need it for myself to check my Farmtown on FB. Yes my life is that exciting! Oh...and school.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Access Denied
Darling I Love You, but Give Me Park Avenue!
So i'm enjoying the season opener of Survivor that i had DVR'd in peace and quiet when she comes home. UGH! Always on the cell phone talking loud, always bumping into walls with her numerous bags (she always carries like three bags - i dunno why), slamming the doors open and closed and then of course....acknowledging me.
{D}:Hey Cindy
{Cindy}: Hey D
{D}: What are you doing?
{Cindy}: Watching my favorite show EVER...Survivor [BTW, i was watching the TV in the living room with the TV on...not sure what else i could be doing, but i digress]
{D}: Can i come watch it with you?
{Cindy}: Sure [just shut up! "Silence....I kill you" - Ackmed the dead terroist - Jeff Dunham]
After a few short moments of watching it she says....
{D}: I know this is not game related, but that girl has a smokin' hot body...don't you think?
{Cindy}: Nope, she's too skinny for me
Now, what is she trying to do here, find common ground to talk to me about? She's not gay, she's not bi, i don't talk to her about these things. So i say what i say to quickly end the converstation. I know that D has been fishing since she moved in for me to think that she is hot beyond all hot...she can't stand it that her first lesbian friend doesn't find her attractive. It's become more of a game with me now, because the colder i am about it, the more she says and does things to try and make me notice her - i think it's more the things she says that kill me. LOL Maybe the guys out there might think D is "smokin' hot" but i just don't.
{Cindy} [Quickly changing the subject]: By the way, i might be out of town for a couple days next week - i'm just letting you know.
{D}: Ok, cool....oh, i'm going to New York all expenses paid...i'm so excited
{Cindy}[Action]: Pausing Survivor because now i HAVE to find out how this is happening Really?!? How did you manage that?
{D}: Well, this older guy friend i know.....
{Cindy}[Thinking] :Figures
{D}: ...has been asking me to go on vacation with him for a long time. He's paying for the flight, for babysitting [I'm assuming for her kids here], and a limo from the airport to the hotel.
{Cindy}: Awesome...is he taking you to see a show?
{D}: Well, no....he's taking me to an sex club.....at my request...it's an underground one
{Cindy}: That sounds nice
{Cindy}[Thinking]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHORE!
{D}: Yeah, should be
{Cindy}[Thinking]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHORE!
{Cindy}[Thinking]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHORE!
{Cindy}[Thinking]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHORE!
{Cindy}[Action]: Unpausing Survivor.
There is no way, NO WAY i'm going to engage in this conversation further. I know that sex clubs exist and all, and i'm not here to judge, and she can do what she wants....but i am now going to have a new house rule. D is no longer allowed in the Jaquzzi. Ick! Ack! Yuck! If you think that i won't tell her WHY....you are wrong, i will flat out tell her why. Hopefully it will be a conversation to blog about! Did i mention that as i was leaving to go out to the ballgame about 10 minutes after this conversation that she was right behind me going to a PTA meeting???
{D}:Hey Cindy
{Cindy}: Hey D
{D}: What are you doing?
{Cindy}: Watching my favorite show EVER...Survivor [BTW, i was watching the TV in the living room with the TV on...not sure what else i could be doing, but i digress]
{D}: Can i come watch it with you?
{Cindy}: Sure [just shut up! "Silence....I kill you" - Ackmed the dead terroist - Jeff Dunham]
After a few short moments of watching it she says....
{D}: I know this is not game related, but that girl has a smokin' hot body...don't you think?
{Cindy}: Nope, she's too skinny for me
Now, what is she trying to do here, find common ground to talk to me about? She's not gay, she's not bi, i don't talk to her about these things. So i say what i say to quickly end the converstation. I know that D has been fishing since she moved in for me to think that she is hot beyond all hot...she can't stand it that her first lesbian friend doesn't find her attractive. It's become more of a game with me now, because the colder i am about it, the more she says and does things to try and make me notice her - i think it's more the things she says that kill me. LOL Maybe the guys out there might think D is "smokin' hot" but i just don't.
{Cindy} [Quickly changing the subject]: By the way, i might be out of town for a couple days next week - i'm just letting you know.
{D}: Ok, cool....oh, i'm going to New York all expenses paid...i'm so excited
{Cindy}[Action]: Pausing Survivor because now i HAVE to find out how this is happening Really?!? How did you manage that?
{D}: Well, this older guy friend i know.....
{Cindy}[Thinking] :Figures
{D}: ...has been asking me to go on vacation with him for a long time. He's paying for the flight, for babysitting [I'm assuming for her kids here], and a limo from the airport to the hotel.
{Cindy}: Awesome...is he taking you to see a show?
{D}: Well, no....he's taking me to an sex club.....at my request...it's an underground one
{Cindy}: That sounds nice
{Cindy}[Thinking]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHORE!
{D}: Yeah, should be
{Cindy}[Thinking]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHORE!
{Cindy}[Thinking]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHORE!
{Cindy}[Thinking]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHORE!
{Cindy}[Action]: Unpausing Survivor.
There is no way, NO WAY i'm going to engage in this conversation further. I know that sex clubs exist and all, and i'm not here to judge, and she can do what she wants....but i am now going to have a new house rule. D is no longer allowed in the Jaquzzi. Ick! Ack! Yuck! If you think that i won't tell her WHY....you are wrong, i will flat out tell her why. Hopefully it will be a conversation to blog about! Did i mention that as i was leaving to go out to the ballgame about 10 minutes after this conversation that she was right behind me going to a PTA meeting???
Cash, Check or Charge
{D}: Hey Cindy
{Cindy}: Hi D
{D}: Can i ask you a question?
{Cindy}: Ummm, yeah
{D}: Can i pay my rent to you in cash?
{Cindy} [Thinking]: Anything but crumpled singles
{Cindy}: Sure
{D}: Great, because most of my clients pay me in cash
Ok, she's probably (hopefully) referring to her fitness/wellness coach business. But i will say this...she used to get up and be gone by 5:00AM to hit the gym. Lately, it's more like getting ready at about 7:00AM because she's "so tired".
{Cindy}: Hi D
{D}: Can i ask you a question?
{Cindy}: Ummm, yeah
{D}: Can i pay my rent to you in cash?
{Cindy} [Thinking]: Anything but crumpled singles
{Cindy}: Sure
{D}: Great, because most of my clients pay me in cash
Ok, she's probably (hopefully) referring to her fitness/wellness coach business. But i will say this...she used to get up and be gone by 5:00AM to hit the gym. Lately, it's more like getting ready at about 7:00AM because she's "so tired".
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Family Reunion
Finally D comes to me last night:
{D}: Hey Cindy, I have a story for you.
{Cindy} [Thinking]: Sweet! More for my blog!
{D}: So i put an ad on Craig's list to have a "platonic" dinner with someone and i got a ton of responses.
{Cindy curious how the ad read}
{D}: I really hit it off with this one guy and we were talking for two days when he asked me if i was [insert her whole maiden name here]. I was really taken aback and freaked out that he knew that. It turns out he is my cousin once removed. I am totally freaking out.
{Cindy} [Wondering]: Why is she freaking out? i thought the dinner was platonic - what have they been talking about that she would be freaking out?
{D}: It's just so weird, like how did he know that was me?
{Cindy}: Did you give him your name?
{D}: Yes.
At this point, even with the blog, i couldn't listen anymore. I can't tell if she was upset that it was her cousin, upset that he realized that and cancelled dinner, or if she is sad that she lost a new potential client - er, i mean friend. In any regard, she's placing another ad.
People how many times do i have to reiterate that Craig's list is the BEST PLACE EVER to find a companion!
{D}: Hey Cindy, I have a story for you.
{Cindy} [Thinking]: Sweet! More for my blog!
{D}: So i put an ad on Craig's list to have a "platonic" dinner with someone and i got a ton of responses.
{Cindy curious how the ad read}
{D}: I really hit it off with this one guy and we were talking for two days when he asked me if i was [insert her whole maiden name here]. I was really taken aback and freaked out that he knew that. It turns out he is my cousin once removed. I am totally freaking out.
{Cindy} [Wondering]: Why is she freaking out? i thought the dinner was platonic - what have they been talking about that she would be freaking out?
{D}: It's just so weird, like how did he know that was me?
{Cindy}: Did you give him your name?
{D}: Yes.
At this point, even with the blog, i couldn't listen anymore. I can't tell if she was upset that it was her cousin, upset that he realized that and cancelled dinner, or if she is sad that she lost a new potential client - er, i mean friend. In any regard, she's placing another ad.
People how many times do i have to reiterate that Craig's list is the BEST PLACE EVER to find a companion!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Give Peas a Chance
Sorry folks, i haven't had any D stories because we haven't seen each other. She seems to never be home....that is until i was counting on her to not be home. The one night that i decide to have a guest come over for a cocktail is, of course, the one night where she is home, on the couch, in PJs (at 6:00PM) and CRABBY!
{D}: Hey Cindy, can i talk to you about something important [sounding serious].
{Cindy}: [heavy mental sigh] Sure, what's up?
{D}: Did you smell that when you came into the house?
{Cindy}: Yes, smells like maple syrup
{D}: It's been like that since Saturday - S really needs to clean up his messes right after he cooks
{Cindy}: Hmmmm, i'll have to talk to him
{D}: Please do, it's not fair to the rest of us
Now, the kitchen wasn't perfect, but he had done his dishes...does anyone know how to get the smell of syrup out of the air? And why is that sooooo offensive...better that than fish or fresh veggies, right?
My point is this...i have no point. She hasn't given me any good material in weeks. I think i'm going to be forced to have a conversation with her soon.
On another note....she shouldn't talk, her toothpaste has gooped up the medicine cabinet and is leaking on to some of my stuff, her kids leave tiny finger prints all over the chrome of my couch, there was some Elmo doll left in the living room, and my dinning room table has some sort of sticky on it that could be syrup or kid sludge. Not to mention that there are 10 desserts in the fridge - literally, taking up the bulk of the room - i guess when you workout every day you can do that.
UGH....
{D}: Hey Cindy, can i talk to you about something important [sounding serious].
{Cindy}: [heavy mental sigh] Sure, what's up?
{D}: Did you smell that when you came into the house?
{Cindy}: Yes, smells like maple syrup
{D}: It's been like that since Saturday - S really needs to clean up his messes right after he cooks
{Cindy}: Hmmmm, i'll have to talk to him
{D}: Please do, it's not fair to the rest of us
Now, the kitchen wasn't perfect, but he had done his dishes...does anyone know how to get the smell of syrup out of the air? And why is that sooooo offensive...better that than fish or fresh veggies, right?
My point is this...i have no point. She hasn't given me any good material in weeks. I think i'm going to be forced to have a conversation with her soon.
On another note....she shouldn't talk, her toothpaste has gooped up the medicine cabinet and is leaking on to some of my stuff, her kids leave tiny finger prints all over the chrome of my couch, there was some Elmo doll left in the living room, and my dinning room table has some sort of sticky on it that could be syrup or kid sludge. Not to mention that there are 10 desserts in the fridge - literally, taking up the bulk of the room - i guess when you workout every day you can do that.
UGH....
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