Officially Over

Ok, i know that i haven't blogged in a really, REALLY long time, but i just wanted to put it out there that i no longer have roommates living in my house. S moved out at the end of October and even though the house is still not sold, i am no longer dealing with craziness. I'm hoping to get back on here and recap the end of D and the end of S. Let's just say that i had to evict D because she was basically tricking from her bedroom in the house. Not a far leap from where she was headed in my last posts. It's a wonder what one can find out when one works from home a couple of days. I think there was exactly one hour between John #1 and John #2...both married by the way judging from the rings on their fingers. Maybe i should've just asked for a cut, business seemed good. LOL.

Currently, i'm living with Tracy and the boys and loving it. Being a co-parent is amazingly fulfilling, but at the same time a living situation that is humorous and, at times, crazy. Maybe i'll blog about that. It's pretty funny for me to be in this world of kids now.

Ta-ta for now.

Thanksgiving Day - Drunkstick Anyone?

So Thanksgiving day S stays home and is just going to drink, watch football and eat by himself. He’s totally content to do so. I have plans with Tracy and I think D has plans with her family too. I return home later that night by myself. I know both of them are there because their cars are in the driveway. My intentions are to come into the house, go to the bathroom to take out my contacts and do my nightly routine, then go into my room and hit the hay.

As I enter the house I hear scurrying and then D’s door slamming shut from the living room. I then hear two voices (male and female) in D’s room laughing and talking. I realize that it’s not Karl A.K.A. Sugar Daddy (because he never comes over) and it’s not Bob.

I go to bed and wake up and go to work on Friday. When I return home that night I get greeted by D.

[D]: Hey Cindy, how was your Thanksgiving?
[Cindy]: It was really nice
[D]: Did you spend it with Tracy and the boys
[Cindy]: Yes. It was great.
[D]: Can I ask you a question?
[Cindy]{Thinking}: UGH!
[Cindy]: Yes
[D]: Do you think a person can get so drunk that they can’t remember anything the next day?
[Cindy]: I’m sure that can happen
[D]: Because S was really drunk when I got home yesterday
[Cindy]:Oh, S can get that drunk for sure. I know that for a fact, he has had small parties here after bar hours and barely remembers coming home
[D]: Oh, ok….because last night he was telling me how hot I was and how he would throw me on the bed and….
[Cindy]: Did you and S sleep together?
[D]: OMG no, but I think he wanted to

So I leave it at that wondering if my two roommates got it on. Then it dawned on me…the other voice the night before it was S. Totally S. So they did sleep together or at the very least returned favors. Here is how it got confirmed for me. Later that same night after D had left S came downstairs to go to work.

[S]: Hey Cindy is D home?
[Cindy]: Nope, hey, I hear you got pretty drunk yesterday
[S]: Oh?...yeah I did. I just watched football all day and got trashed
[Cindy]: Fun times
[Cindy]{Thinking}: How can I get him to admit this? LOL
[S}: So did you talk to D?
[Cindy]: Yep, she said you were drunk and wondered if you’d remember anything today. She also said you were hitting on her a little bit. Too funny dude.
[S]: Yeah, she was hitting on me too though.
[Cindy]: Did you guys do it?
[S]: No, but she was asking me about if I was dating exclusively or not (FYI second time she's asked him that)
[Cindy]: Oh, I see
[S]: Ok, I gotta go….later
[Cindy]: Bye

So now I’m totally 100% convinced that they did something Thanksgiving night. So for anyone that’s keeping score, that’s another notch in D’s bedpost. ICK!

I don’t think that I can look S in the eyes anymore. I seriously hope that I never walk in on anything between them. If I do, I might just have to go blind! What I love is how they both felt the need to give me some strange cover story. Maybe more on this topic later…..

Overheard

Overheard one-sided phone conversation

[D]: Hello (pause) yes, how did you get this number? (pause) Yes, we can meet....how long will you be in town for?

If this doesn't cry out "mobile massage" i don't know what does!

Rubber Ducky

I know it’s been a long time since I blogged…it doesn’t meant that there is nothing to blog about though. D’s annoyances are at an all time high right now and there have been several occasions where I have thought that I should blog that. LOL

Those of you that know me know that I am seeing someone really special and she has been staying over from time to time at my house. We have been dating for almost 9 weeks now and although she is not over a ton it just never seems to fail that D will show up for at least part of it. I’m fortunate that Tracy (that’s her name) is so cool because otherwise D might have ruined my chances to have a normal relationship. It’s sort of like bringing a potential boyfriend or girlfriend over to meet your crazy relatives. In any regard, Tracy has overlooked my living situation and continues to date me.

One of the first mornings after Tracy stayed over D came home with Bob. Tracy was getting into the shower and I was hoping to join her. D sort of blocked the hallway as she was talking to me about her 5k run she just did. As excited as I was to hear about this (NOT), I kept trying to move past her to get to the bathroom. Finally I just had to say:

[Cindy]: D, Tracy is in the shower and I’d like to join her before she finishes.
[D]: Ohhhhhhh, I’m sorry.
[Cindy]: No problem, just move so I can get by you to the bathroom
[D]: Oh.

She moves and I’m able to get past her and down to the bathroom. I knock and go in and even though she is more than half finished by now I still join her and we laugh about what took me so long. I recapped the 5k run story and Tracy, just like me, is too impressed for words.

A few moments later we hear a knock at the door. I shit you not…a knock at the door of the bathroom that we are in. Tracy and I look at each other in disbelief about the lack of privacy.

[Cindy]: Yes
[D]: Can I crack the door I have a question for you
[Cindy & Tracy]{Mutually thinking}: WTF?!?!?!!? We’re in the shower together!
[Cindy]: Ummmmmm
[D]{Action}: Cracking the door
[D]: Hey, sorry to interrupt but are you going to be here tomorrow if Eric (who the frig is Eric???) comes into the backyard after 5:00PM to fix the fence?
[Cindy]{In total disbelief}: I won’t be here, but it’s fine if he comes into the backyard
[D]: Ok, I was just checking. Oh, are you both in the shower??? I’m sorry…..i’m just….i’m sorry….oh …I’m sorry…..ok, thanks.

Ok, there are so many things wrong with this I can’t even begin to tear it apart. Of course I’ll try. LOL.

· So first of all the fence….she backed into the fence and I asked her to get it repaired before winter. This was a month long thing – the reason I’m saying this is because why did she have to pick this particular time to inform me of this.
· Secondly, why do I need to be there if it’s in the backyard??? No key needed.
· Third, have you ever heard of a post-it?
· Fourth, did you not just hear me say I was going to join my girlfriend in the shower??
· Fifth, did I say “come in”
· Sixth WTF?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

I’m not really sure if I’m expressing in a way that will make everyone understand how insane this situation was. Like I said…thank God that Tracy is so cool. D has zero boundaries!

Pajamma Jam

So i have a guest over for an evening of movies and pizza. Mind you, it's the first time that my guest and D will meet.

D comes home and introduces herself to my guest as i was in the restroom at the time. I come in and double check that there have been introductions. D sits down at the table and is doing - who knows what? Eventually D goes into her room and changes to go out for the night. She comes back in wearing this short black dress. She interupts us and asks if she should wear a pearl necklace with it. I start busting up because all i can think is something that i can't even post on here. My guest tells me to be nice and says "go with the pearls".

So then D says from the other room:
{D}: Are you planning on having a sleep over tonight?

First of all....WTF?!?! Rude. Secondly, i had already mentioned to her that my guest was staying over. Thank god my guest and I had talked about it else i probably would've just died of embarrassment.

{Cindy}: Yes, i told you that already
{D} [From the other room]: Oh, ok....then i'll probably stay at SD's (Sugar Daddy's) or Bob's.

My guest and i look at each other....i get another "be nice" because i'm laughing my ass off.

So the next day D comes home and is still wearing the same dress. I don't think anything of it until i mention that to my guest later and she reminds me that she took a big duffle bag with her. Good call....i hadn't noticed that.

Obviously for all of your enjoyment i had to ask D about it. So i do...turns out she says that she went to the gym and her gym clothes were more gross than wearing the dress home from the gym. (doubt it Monica!). So we don't actually know what was in the big black duffle bag but one can assume it might have had something in it from NY.

Take a Bite Out of The Big Apple

D has gone on her trip to NY to go to the "sex club" with her sugar daddy. Let me define sugar daddy again here. He has paid for her baby sitting, reimbursed her for clothing purchases for the trip, limo to & from the airport, the plane ticket, the hotel, and walk around money for NY. Not to mention he'll obviously be footing the bill for everything that happens in the city including her sex shoppe souvenirs.

Watch out NY, D is going to take a bite out of you!

{D}: Hey Cindy, do you mind if I blow dry my hair while you’re in the shower [as she’s turning it on]
{Cindy}[Sighing]: Hey D, how was NY?
{D}: It was great, SD [Sugar Daddy] was amazing. You know he’s an ex porn star, right?

Remember people, I’m not making this up

{Cindy}: Ummmm, No
{D}: Well he is and he’s been with plenty of women and he told me that I’m one of the best
{Cindy}[Gagging – Saying Nothing]
{D}: Oh, and I have something to tell you
{Cindy}: What’s that?
{D}: Ok, there was this hot lesbian there…short hair smokin’ hot bod and she was checking me out the whole night.
{Cindy}[Thinking “oh no” – Saying Nothing]
{D}: So I was asking SD if he wanted me to invite her over to our “scene”. He said that I wore him out and that I could do what I wanted so I had her come over and Cindy, guess what? I went down on her.
{Cindy} [Shutting my eyes and wishing it all away]

I can’t speak right now because the image is now burned into my mind and I’m thinking of going straight. Seriously is she telling me this….and why? Because I’m a lesbian and this is what lesbians talk about in the morning in the bathroom??? WTF?!?!? Aren’t there some sort of gay police out there to keep out the riff raff??? UGH!

{D}: So you have nothing to say about that?
{Cindy}: Ummm….hi five? What am I supposed to say….good job?
{D}: Well, no, but I thought you’d be impressed
{Cindy}: Oooookaaaaaay
{D}: Well anyway, I didn’t stay down there too long but she said It was great. So by then there was this big crowd around us and even the security guard was flirting with me. He was this big black guy. I asked him if he wanted to do me…..

Okay at this point….i’m not really listening and am trying to figure out what the hell to even say. I’m not one to judge, but I’m really starting to judge her. Rather than go into too many details let me just say that the security guard “impaled the hell out of her”. I’m not even sure I should be writing this as it’s becoming pornographic.

I do fear that D is definitely progressing in the wrong direction. This is not the same woman that moved into my house back in June.

On a positive note, D finally cleaned out the fridge of her items that have gone bad….so I’m actually happy about that. Now I can officially bleach EVERYTHING in the house!

Review If You're New

For those of you that are just starting to read the blog...don't start here...do yourself a favor and take the time to go all the way back to the beginning and read from the start. It will make so much more sense going forward.

That being said....the saga continues....